


Uninterested

by Natural_Log



Series: Widofjord From My Head [7]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: 5 and 1, Caleb's POV, Getting Together, GreyAce!Fjord, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Up to episode 113, caleb literally cannot fathom having fjords affection, dont take it away from me pls, fjord tries to talk about his FEELINGS, gods i wish that was canon, i ship fjordxtalking literally nonstop, i wrote this for me but yall can read it if you want, maybe missing scenes from the nights they skipped over, no beta we die like men, no beta we post with abandon, now with ep 113 coda, stop having his mouth be closed have it be OPEN travis i beg thee, there were a lot of nights where they just rolled for an event so THIS COULD HAPPEN
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-23
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:55:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27160760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natural_Log/pseuds/Natural_Log
Summary: Five times Caleb saw how Fjord is uninterested in romance, or sex.One time Fjord explained he is.
Relationships: Fjord/Caleb Widogast
Series: Widofjord From My Head [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1198351
Comments: 30
Kudos: 174





	1. Five Times Fjord Wasn't Interested In Love or Sex

**Author's Note:**

> I've been writing these over a long period of time. I liked the idea that episode 113 was the fifth time, partially because I was looking for inspiration for a final part when the episode aired.

1.

Caleb and Fjord chatted casually near the door, appreciating the cool breeze that swept in whenever someone entered or exited.

“Party crashers, more than likely,” Fjord was saying, smirking into his drink. “I can’t imagine the court of the Kryn intentionally filling a room to this capacity.”

“Mmm,” Caleb tugged at his sleeves with a grimace. “I’m not sure why I expected better decorum from the dark elves, though I imagine we have a certain blue friend to thank for word of the party getting out.”

Fjord narrowed his eyes, connecting the dots before he barked out a laugh. “Shit, that’s what she was up to these last few days. Gods, I have to stop underestimating her.”

They were still smiling when two drow approached. “Excuse me, you are of the Mighty Nein aren’t you?”

“I suppose there aren’t many humans wandering around Xorhas these days,” Fjord replied and put a hand on Caleb’s shoulder. “This one is a friend though, I assure you.”

One of the drow, with long hair pulling into a swooping headdress that matched her dress, swooned slightly at Fjord. “I’ll trust your judgement, Master Fjord. You returned the Beacon didn’t you? The Umavi has high regard for you.”

“Oh,” Fjord flushed. Caleb cocked his eyebrow, watching Fjord grapple with attention. How someone so charismatic could flounder so intensely still mystified him. “Well. I would say she was grateful to all of us- it’s why we are able to traverse the city freely. A great honor to be sure.”

The woman laughed, a light musical sound, and let her hand rest on Fjord’s forearm. “Modest, charming, handsome- I’m grateful the Bright Queen has given you sanctuary here. Our city is better for it clearly.”

With a forced smile Fjord slipped his arm from her grasp, moving slightly toward Caleb. “We’re certainly doing our best to uh- Caleb, how would you describe the aid we offer?”

“Desultory,” Caleb muttered, “Ah, well intentioned, if not always effective.”

With a sideways glance at Caleb, Fjord smirked. “Sure! Well intentioned. That’s us.”

“I’d say you are underutilized,” the male drow spoke up finally and offered a hand to Fjord. “Alnin Zolaed, it’s an honor to meet you two. Your enthusiastic fan is Thirza Hythenos, when she remembers herself.”

“Alnin!”

“Underutilized?” Fjord asked and tilted his head. “How so?”

Alnin looked Fjord up and down, taking in his fine coat and the figure he cut. Caleb smiled into his drink- Fjord was hard to ignore, in their defense. “Skilled mercenaries, deft on the sea as well as in peace talks? Even in your first life you have accrued such feats. I’m curious what your other accomplishments are, what they might be in the future.”

“Oh Captain, my Captain,” Caleb said under his breath, but Alnin and Thirza hardly dignified him with more than a glance. 

“Alnin thinks we need to diversify our people,” Thirza tilted her head and considered Fjord from under her lashes. “Bring in fresh blood, so to speak.”

Dragging a finger around the rim of his glass, Alnin cocked his hip and bit his lip. “That I do.”

“Well,” Fjord shifted his weight and emptied his glass, looking around as he said “I applaud your open minded stance.”

“You can appreciate my stance any time.”

Caleb cleared his throat and bit his lip. In spite of himself he was impressed with Alnin’s directness. Fjord hid his face with his hand, rubbing an eyebrow as he caught Caleb’s eye desperately. “You know, as nice as that sounds, what a uh, what a generous offer, for you, uh-”

“Dear me,” Caleb set a hand on Fjord’s back and steered him around his admirers, “It seems we are- would you look at that our friend is just- so lovely to meet you two.” 

“Oof,” Fjord set his jaw and shuddered slightly. “Thanks for the rescue. That was some serious brown nosing, and we aren’t even that important to the court.” 

They pushed to the other side of the room, Caleb watchful of any other interested parties and chuckling. “Ah, Fjord. It wasn’t the Queen’s favor they were after.”

Fjord narrowed his eyes and Caleb could practically hear the wheels turning. In a fit of alcohol induced confidence Caleb squeezed Fjord’s bicep and ran a finger along his cheekbone. “Come on, you can’t be that surprised anymore, can you? Looks like these, half the room wants to assassinate me for your attention.”

The answering blush rising on Fjord’s cheeks told Caleb maybe he was still surprised. Some scars take longer to heal, he reminded himself, but held Fjord’s gaze. He wasn’t wrong, and he wanted Fjord to know the truth of his words.

A cluster of people near them erupted into laughter and Fjord started, tearing his eyes away and clearing his throat. “I hope they don’t. I hope you’re wrong. I’ve never been overly interested, anyway.”

That made Caleb pause. Fjord took fresh drinks from a floating tray, handed one to Caleb before considering the floor like it held the mysteries of the world. Caleb sipped his drink and added a note to his mental file on Fjord.

Never been overly interested in what?

\---  
2.

They were technically outside of both the Empire and the Dynasty when Caleb recalled that mental note next. 

It was getting colder, the landscape shifting as they moved further north. More evergreens, snow capped mountains looming closer, a biting wind that cut through lighter clothing. As the others donned their tailored cold wear, admiring each other and the image they cut together, Fjord made a face and threw on a poorly fitted jacket. 

“Not one for fineries?” Caleb asked and handed him a mug of hot cider. 

Fjord took it with a nod. “So long as my gear is functional, I like it.”

Caleb tilted his head and shot Fjord a look. “I seem to recall a certain hat you rather enjoyed, once upon a time. A nice coat too. You made quite the image.”

“No more hats,” Fjord growled and adjusted his collar and hood. “I’ll never hear the end of it.”

At that Caleb let out a sigh, frowning. “Another persona you were trying on? Didn’t fit quite right, to be Captain Tusktooth, did it?”

It was a question, but at the same time he didn’t make it sound like one. He sipped his cider and waited, watching Veth twirl in her fine gear and Caduceus admire Jester’s embroidered details. 

“It’s all window dressing, isn’t it. Casting a net into the sea, trying to catch a specific kind of fish.” Fjord took a long pull of cider, eyes distant. “I’m not sure I’m interested in fishing.”

Caleb updated his mental note: Not looking at the moment. Perhaps burned by history of-

“Besides,” Fjord’s voice pulled Caleb back, “I uh, I needed my money for other things. Lucky I saved, or else I might not have snagged that stone for you.”

Despite the large furred collar blocking most of Fjord’s face, Caleb could see the slight darkening of skin on his cheeks. “I am eternally grateful, Fjord. I’ll tell you a thousand times. Thank you.”

“I didn’t- of course, Caleb. You paid me back, anyway. And I knew as soon as I saw it that-” Fjord cut himself off with a grimace. “Anyway. I knew you would put it to good use.”

“I hardly paid you back,” Caleb argued and reached for his coin purse, “In fact, since I have a bit more let me-”

“Nope!” Fjord turned and began walking swiftly away, grinning back at Caleb. “It was a gift!”

Caleb watched Fjord pretend to hide behind Yasha from him. His hand on her shoulder still had that ring, the bright ruby, the one he got around the same time as the stone. Yasha saw him looking, looked between him and the ring, and raised an eyebrow. 

Not looking for something. But knows about fishing.

\---  
3.

In the mansion a few nights later Caleb was trying to focus on the book in his hands, but he kept getting distracted. 

Fjord was quiet, walking slowly through the library, studying the spines of the books. Beau was making some noise, muttering to herself and scribbling into her journals. But she was also further away, back in a reading nook. Caleb’s eyes weren’t getting pulled to her each time he turned a page.

At some books Fjord would react. A look of respect here. Confusion with narrowed eyes. His mouth would move silently as he tried out a few zemnian words before moving on. Heavy rugs dampened the sound of his footfalls, his casual clothing didn’t creak and shift like his armor. 

Caleb still watched him, stuck on the same page for the last ten minutes as Fjord moved to a new shelf. One of Fjord’s hands reached up to brush the well worn spine of a few books before he pulled one out. Something warm curled in Caleb’s chest, like a cat lounging in a sunbeam, as Fjord began reading. Head hunched, a frock of hair falling forward, big hands holding the novel gently.

“Caleb!”

Jerking, Caleb flipped a few pages and tried to settle Frumpkin on his lap. “Jester, you startled me.”

“Sorry,” she grinned as she walked up to where he was sitting. “You were kind of spaced out there. I thought you loved your books? Is that one not good?” She had a tray of baked goods in her hands and a half dozen cats following her like a strange parade. 

For a moment Caleb had to blink to recall what he was even reading. “Oh, it’s very good. It’s discussing the merits of horticulture in pocket dimension, versus maintaining a teleportation circle and a location in the physical realms.”

“Neat!” Jester set down her tray and was about to drop into the chair next to him when she stopped. “Wait, is every book in here every book you’ve read?”

Tilting his head Caleb tried to parse her question. “... Yes? I mean, there are some duplicates, in case several people want to-”

He couldn’t even voice his secret dream of having a book club in the mansion before she cut him off. “I mean, every book you’ve read is in here, right?”

“Yes,” he repeated slowly, waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knew her well enough to know when she was about to spring a trap on him.

“Like,” she leaned in and wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. “Even the naughty ones?”

Despite himself Caleb let his eyes dart to a specific location in the library, the very top of one of the tallest shelves, before he quickly looked back at Jester. “Well-”

It was too late. She took off, brushing past Fjord on her way to her prize. “Steady there,” Fjord called after her before turning to look at Caleb. Who gave him a pleading look that only resulted in Fjord snapping the book in his hands closed. “Where’s the fire?”

“You know I have read naughty books,” Caleb raised his voice enough that Jester could hear him over the sound of the ladder she dragged over. “We have shared appreciation for one, remember? Tusk love? I looked for that book shop in-”

“This is different!” Jester clambered up the ladder and Fjord darted forward to steady it for her. A cat carefully climbed up after her. “These are your naughty books. That you like. Knowing what kind of sex someone likes tells you a lot about them.”

Caleb blanched at the idea of the others knowing what kind of sex he liked. “I don’t think- Jester, I read every book I come across, not all of them are necessarily to my taste.”

“Oh wow.” Jester pulled a nondescript novel from the shelf, but her eyebrows shot up. “This one is spicy.”

Mentally Caleb traced a finger down a list of possible titles that would make her react like that. It wasn’t a long list. “Well, I hope you enjoy it,” he tried, and winced at how awful that sounded as soon as it was out of his mouth. 

“Dude, gross.” Beau called, and Caleb flipped her the bird halfheartedly. 

“Fjord, look, this one has-”

Fjord held the ladder but he was looking at his feet. “You know, as much fun as it is watching you put Caleb on the spot I can’t say I really want to know-”

“But look at this big beefy orc on the cover!”

Caleb and Fjord both jerked their heads up to look. Jester was holding out the book, finger helpfully tapping the cover as if it was at all possible to miss the extremely cut, extremely undressed half-orc lying supine across some furs. 

“Technically he’s a half orc.” Caleb corrected, and then clenching his eyes closed and began to cast polymorph on himself. Perhaps if he vanished, turned into a spider, or something, he wouldn’t have to see their reaction to that little tidbit.

“And he has a half elf lover!” Jester pulled the book closer as she read the back cover. “A sorcerer! Oooooh the half orc is a big strong fighter who saves the half elf after he gets caught up in a fighting ring he’s no match for!” She turned the book and let it fall open, and since it was a copy of the real book Caleb read so many times, it opened right to that spot where - “Koghor wiped the blood from Ulrath’s hands with a gentle touch that belied his hard earned strength,” she read, voice pitching low and throaty in an attempt at sultry. “Ulrath couldn’t help but imagine those fingers elsewhere, holding him down, pushing into him as he-”

Fjord cleared his throat, cutting Jester off, and Caleb stopped trying to decide if a spider or a mouse would be a better option. He glanced over to see Fjord tuck the novel he had picked up under his arm, face tight and clearly flushed. “Why don’t you wait until I get back to my rooms before you continue this…” stepping away from the ladder Fjord searched for the right term. “Reading? Live action? Whatever it is I’d rather not be here for it, to be honest.”

“Aw, Fjord, I figured you would be interested in this one at least,” she flipped the pages idly as she descended, scanning the contents. “Oop! They mention something about knots too! Maybe they go sailing after-”

There was a rattle as Fjord pushed past a chair and slid it a few inches out of place in his hurry to leave. “Sure! Sailing!”

Caleb knew it wasn’t sailing. He peered up at Fjord, head ducked, trying to gauge the source of Fjord’s discomfort. But the half-orc man was beating a hasty retreat, avoiding Caleb’s gaze until he rounded the table with Jester’s treats. They locked eyes and Caleb lifted his shoulders slightly in an apology- the library was supposed to be a place of comfort, but Jester seemed to have misread the room. 

Fjord’s foot snagged the edge of the table and the dishes clinked gently. “Sorry. It’s fine. I mean- I don’t care what you read, really. It’s just-” Fjord started backing away from Caleb, adjusting the book under his arm. “Not really my speed, my area of interest, my-”

“Oh shit!” Beau cackled and Caleb looked over to see her reading over Jester's shoulder. Jester’s eyebrows had climbed and her skin had flushed slightly. “Dude there’s no sailing in this book. Damn! I didn’t know that half-orcs could do that!”

Turning back, Caleb realized Fjord was gone. 

Jester got bored of teasing Caleb once she realized he really didn’t care if she read the porn books, and once she had scanned all the titles for anything truly interesting she had returned to her pastries and her sketchbook. Caleb tried to return to his focus, gardening and teleportation circles and homegrown spell component quality. Unfortunately he kept circling back to interest and Fjord and all the puzzle pieces laid out before him. 

\---  
4.

“Just because he didn’t respond to your message doesn’t mean something’s wrong.” 

Beau twirled her staff idly and Caleb resisted the urge to flinch away. The street was mostly empty in the early evening and people were quick to shut themselves inside against the cold for the night. Most of the snow was cleared from the main thoroughfare but some of the side streets were slushy and slick. Caleb rubbed his nose and squinted down another road, towards one of the few supply shops. 

“We should probably stick together after dark anyway,” Caduceus reasoned. He wasn’t handling the cold very well, bundled up and squinting against the chill of the wind. “Preferably at the inn. I’d hate to get caught out here too late at night.”

While Veth scooped up snow into another ball, Jester frowned and looked back the way they came. “I agree with Caleb, Fjord doesn’t like to shop, he should have been back by now.”

Veth tossed her missile at a signpost. It struck dead center and she grinned. “How much trouble could he even get into around here? It’s not like there’s a crime ring he could have-”

Beau and Caduceus both whipped around to look toward an alley that branched off the street a block away, and Caleb started that way instinctively. “From your lips,” he muttered, and Veth grimaced as she darted into nearby shadows.

The sound of gruff voices finally reached Caleb’s ears. It seemed there was a seedy tavern, likely used by sailors passing through the nearby port, tucked out of sight from the main road. It was low, built down into the ground, but a few figures were silhouetted by the lone lantern hanging by the entry.

“Gentlemen,” Caleb called out. “I’m looking for a friend, perhaps you’ve seen him?”

The men turned and Caleb caught sight of Fjord, arms locked by his captors, surrounded. 

“Oh good,” Caleb smiled. “Thank you for keeping an eye on him, how fortunate. He sometimes wanders, I hope-”

“Another slick talking hunter, huh?” Someone stepped up from the tavern door. He passed through the lanterns light and allowed Caleb to register an elf of some kind, though he was heartier than most elves Caleb had encountered. “Looks like your friend is my friend, now. Need to have a conversation with him. Why don’t you come back in the morning?”

“I think he’s gonna come with us right now. Aren’t you, Fjord?” Beau looped her arms over her staff across her shoulders. The picture of nonchalance, but Caleb knew she was always happy for a brawl. 

Fjord looked between his captors and the Mighty Nein. It wasn’t until Caleb caught sight of a small flash of metal that he realized Fjord was muzzled. Smart, Caleb had to admit, to keep someone like Fjord from being able to to use his voice or hands.

“Don’t be stupid,” the elf said, and a knife appeared from his thick coats. “I’d rather talk to him, but his corpse is useful too. And small town like this? People come and go. Nobody will look for a bunch of idiot adventurers. Not for long.”

“Good to know.” Caleb slapped his hands into the snow, the ice bitingly cold on his palms before fire shot out in threads, streaking towards the men holding Fjord. 

Beau leapt, spinning in the air and bringing her staff down across one of the enemies face with a heavy thud. Fjord ducked down and dove, sliding across the ice towards Caduceus. A bolt suddenly appeared in another man’s shoulder and he spun with a cry, slipping into the snow bank. Yasha darted over and shoved him further under the snow with a boot and a heavy snarl. Glittering light filled the area for a moment as an oversized lollipop appeared above the leaders head before smashing down into him. 

“I think you’ll find we aren’t the kind of prey you want to hunt, friend.” Caduceus knelt next to Fjord and pulled at his bindings. Weaving his hands Caleb stepped between Fjord and the other men and summoned more fire. 

The leader spit blood onto the snow and glared. “We’ll see about that.” He made eye contact with Fjord, who was sitting up and rubbing his mouth. “Till next time.”

Caleb held the fire in his hands, uncomfortably hot, until the last of the assholes trudged down into the tavern. Yasha kicked snow after them. “Could have killed them all.”

“Maybe,” Caleb snuffed the fire. It was very dark without it. “But then we would have to explain the bodies to someone.”

“Let’s get out of here,” Fjord grumbled. “I’m cold and tired of dealing with people.”

They quickly crossed the town, back to the slightly nicer inn they had rooms in, and Caleb herded everyone into his before closing and locking the door. “One moment,” he asked and began setting out the materials for the mansion.

“What did they want with you?” Beau pulled her hood down and rolled her neck. “Not that I need an excuse to beat up kidnappers.”

“Nothing good.” Fjord let out a deep sigh. “I think it had something to do with my time on the ocean.”

“Vandren? Or…” Jester raised her eyebrows. “Uk’otoa?”

“Unclear. Unfortunately I mistook what they were saying pretty significantly.”

Caleb finished casting and stepped back. “Here, in we go.”

They filed into the tower, peeling off their winter clothes and hanging them by the door. A larger cat was already waiting with a tray of hot cocoa balanced impossibly on its tail. Caleb barely shucked his outerwear before he was holding out a warm drink to Fjord and Caduceus, who got distracted when Fjord struggled to remove his coat.

“Let’s see the damage,” Caduceus rumbled, clearly displeased. Fjord ducked his head and let his coat fall. One arm was hanging limp, shallow abrasions marked his face, but he seemed otherwise unharmed. 

“I think it’s dislocated,” Fjord ground out. Caleb passed his cocoa off to Jester who lingered as well. When Fjord realized the others had circled him he turned his face away slightly. “Really, it’s hardly a grievous wound- you should all go warm up and settle in.”

Caleb sensed Fjord was embarrassed about something, the way he was hiding his face and reluctant to show his wounds. “Jester, can you go to the kitchens and make sure they have dinner coming along? And perhaps set aside some hot water for his shoulder?”

It wasn’t necessary, the cats would handle all of that and more, but Caleb knew Jester struggled to stay idle when someone needed help. For all that she preferred to use her magic to punish attackers, she still had a healer's heart. Giving her something to do, away from Fjord, would hopefully ease things. 

“Sure! Fjord do you want anything in particular for dinner? Those potatoes you liked in Nicodranas maybe?”

“Sure.” Fjord didn’t look back at them. “Thanks, Jes.”

While he wasn’t looking at them Caleb made a shooing motion at the others, who all let out lame excuses of things they needed to tend to and filed up into the tower. Despite himself Caleb lingered, watched Caduceus cast a spell and press it into Fjord’s shoulder.

The grating sound made Caleb’s stomach turn almost as much as Fjord’s pained cry. “There, that’s alright now, should feel better pretty quickly.” Caduceus turned to Caleb and nodded, but still he lingered.

“I’m sorry for worrying everyone,” Fjord mumbled, bracing his wounded arm. “I just… I didn’t understand what they wanted at first.”

“We should have stayed in pairs,” Caleb said, and grimaced. He hadn’t meant to stay, he meant to leave Fjord to lick his wounds. “We should have been with you.”

Fjord looked over at Caleb for a second before dropping his eyes. “Yeah, well, that’s on me too. Popped out to get something by myself in a strange town. Stupid.”

“You know how I feel about self deprecation.” Caduceus wagged a finger at Fjord and finished pulling off his many layers. 

“What did they want?”

Caleb couldn’t help it, he was curious. And well, Fjord is usually rather good at reading people. To misunderstand a situation to the point of getting kidnapped was quite the endeavor.

With a sigh Fjord rubbed an eye. “Hell. At first I thought the guy was just being friendly. Offered to buy me a drink at the bar. Once I thought about it, I figured ‘Oh, he wants to have sex!’ so I started to, you know, give him the usual explanation. Not interested. Not my scene.” Fjord waved his good hand and rolled his eyes, then caught himself and glanced at Caleb. “Not that- well, I like men just fine, I just mean-”

“I know what you mean,” Caduceus came back to Fjord and gently took his bad arm, testing its mobility. 

Something in Caleb’s chest tightened. Why had Fjord looked at him? Since when was Fjord interested in men? Despite himself Caleb felt his cheeks warm slightly.

Fjord threw him one last glance and cleared his throat. “Anyway. It turns out I was wrong again. He wanted to talk to me about the sea, and he brought up the Tide’s Breath, and then, well-” he watched Caduceus rotate his arm and pointed at his shoulder. “Next thing I knew there were five of them saying I would probably rather they were there for sex, but maybe that would come later. And, you know, the jokes that go along with that.”

Satisfied the healing was sufficient, Caduceus let his arm go. Fjord’s face was tight as he rubbed the shoulder. 

“Well.” Caleb’s face was stormy as he watched the door for a moment. “Perhaps we will cross paths with them again, and we can teach them further why you are not to be trifled with.”

He was well into a revenge fantasy when he realized Fjord had walked up to him. “Hey,” Fjord muttered, eyes on Caleb’s collar. “I’m alright now. Thanks for coming to get me.” 

Caleb swallowed and nodded. “I was worried about- we thought you had been gone too long to just be shopping.”

“He insisted we find you before dark,” Caduceus called over his shoulder as he stepped into the elevator. “Kicked up a real fuss about making sure you were ok.”

“Well.” Fjord smiled and looked at his shoes for a moment. Caleb tossed Caduceus a look of betrayal, but the firbolg was already gone. “Thanks for looking out for me, Caleb.”

“Always,” Caleb jerked his head after Caduceus. “Come on, let’s get you some food and a warm drink.”

He missed the lingering smile on Fjord’s face, eyes soft.

\---  
5.

Caleb took the stairs to the deck two at a time, pulled his heavy jacket tighter around his body. The others were on his heel, answering Beau’s shout for the Nein. He skidded on the frosty deck as Caduceus mentioned a clicking sound, and then there were frosty monsters crawling their way over the bow.

Veth ducked near Caleb, behind a canon. Beau darted forward and engaged one of the monsters while Jester backed up the stairs to the stern for a better view as her duplicate forged ahead. Caleb shifted his books and reached for his component pouch, scanning the creatures and calculating.

“Behind!” Yasha called, and Caleb turned to see more coming up behind Jester, who glanced between him and the monsters as if debating to stand her ground. 

Then another creature, a familiar monster of the sea pulled itself onto the ship. Caleb’s skin crawled as it surveyed the people on the deck for a moment. He was about to call out a warning to Fjord when the creature pointed at him, directly, exactly, and a sudden force on his chest sent Caleb stumbling back. “Fj-fuck!”

Caleb’s chest seized as fear locked his muscles down. His necklace- the amber- pieces of the gems scattered, some digging into his skin, and then. A few quick pops and Caleb instinctively grabbed out, tried to pluck the orb out of the air.

But it was no use. The fireworks stored in the amber appeared around the orb and the bundle of items dropped to the deck with a heavy thud. Everyone on the ship seemed to hold their breath for a moment. 

Caleb looked up, past Jester and Yasha’s wide eyes, to the creature who undid his work. Then he turned, looked over his shoulder at Fjord, who’s panicked face was quickly draining of color as he watched the orb roll with the deck in the waves. Their eyes met and Caleb felt a pain stab into his heart.

He promised to keep it safe. He promised to take care of this for Fjord. He promised-

Then ice crawled over his shoulders as he recognized another humanoid crawling up, right behind Fjord. But his voice would not come as he tried to call out a warning, and he choked out a frantic attempt to warn his friend. 

It was too late. Caleb felt control of the situation slip completely out of his hands as Avantica grabbed Fjord’s shocked form and pulled, tried to drag him into the frozen sea. 

Fjord managed to resist her though, tearing her hands from his body and stepping back. She said something, something Caleb couldn’t hear as Jester shouted a spell behind him, swords clashed against each other.

“Sorry Avantica,” Fjord pushed away from her, leaving behind dark shadows that curled around her form. “I’m not interested!” She snarled and tried to strike out at his retreating form but the shadows twisted her arm and the swing went wide. Caleb watched as Fjord skittered across the deck to stand over the orb several feet away. Their eyes met for a moment before Fjord shoved his sword into the sky and a thick fog enveloped him. 

The last thing Caleb saw was Fjord, still staring back at him, before white blanked out all sign of him. 

Caleb just had to trust he was ok. He had to hope as others dove into the fog, as shouts emerged. As another monster attacked him and tore into his skin, dragging a pained cry from him. As he tried to fly over the fog, to get back to Fjord, before a spell blasted him out of the air. 

And later, as he shifted his form yet again to try and chase the orb down as a killer whale, taking off in the direction Avantika had teleported. His echolocation was near perfect as he honed in on her’s retreating form. He steered the others to where she was, watched Fjord teleport to the fading shadows still lingering on her skin. 

He wasn’t proud of the sick satisfaction he got from watching her form be torn apart. But then, she had hurt him, hurt Fjord, and the Nein, and Caleb only kept that dark part of himself for protection. For protection, he told himself as he watched her corpse drift in the deep waters and felt righteous glee well up inside. For protection.

Any joy faded as Fjord snatched the orb out of the water and turned to him. To Caleb. Who wanted to shrink away. “I’ll hold onto this for now,” Fjord said. Caleb let out a low, pitiful sound. 

He had failed, after all. Failed to keep the orb safe. Failed to come to Fjord’s side, in the fog. Failed to protect everyone. 

Fjord had needed him, and he had failed.


	2. One Time Fjord Wanted More

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of "no YOU!" and a bit of misunderstanding, a bit of reminiscing, a bit of absolutely MUSHY FEELINGS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh I actually finished a thing? Yeah, must be the apocalypse.

Caleb wasn’t ignoring Fjord. He was just busier than normal. Sometimes they would find some new spell scrolls and he would spend more time working in his journals. That wasn’t weird. It was totally normal, actually. He was a wizard, what did they expect? His magic wasn’t a gift. He earned it by hard work. 

“Yeah. But like. You’re moping about it.” Beau tried to push into Caleb’s room in the mansion again, but Caleb didn’t budge. “That’s what tipped me off. Normally you’re all, you know,  _ happy  _ to be doing busywork.” 

“One of my spells failed recently. I need to rework the arcano-glyphs to account for new data.” He tried not to shift his feet. He hadn’t meant to mention his spell failing, that was more information than he could afford to give someone like Beau. 

Not that he was doing anything suspicious, Caleb reminded himself. He was acting totally normal. 

Beau’s eyes narrowed slightly. “Yeah. About that. I thought you said-”

“I need to get back to my work,” Caleb cut off, casting a glance behind himself. “Very sorry. You all have the run of the mansion without me.”

He ignored her grumbled response and rested his forehead against the closed door. He wasn’t moping. He wasn’t. 

Another knock at the door made Caleb jump slightly. “Beau, your insistence is on brand but I promise I’m not-”

Beau wasn’t on the other side of the door. 

Fjord shifted his feet. “Not what?”

“Ah,” Caleb let the door slip through his fingers. “Nothing. It’s nothing. What are- did you need something?” He fidgeted, pushing his sleeves up before catching himself and pulling them back down. “Can I get you anything?”

“No, I was going to, well I was wondering if,” Fjord frowned and scratched the back of his head. “Are you alright?”

“Am I alright?” Caleb repeated, confused. “Yes of course I am. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.”

“Right.”

There was a long pause as Caleb tried to avoid making eye contact.

He was about to excuse himself when Fjord shook his head. “Except no, I don’t think I believe you.”

One thick hand landed on the doorframe and Fjord leaned in. Caleb swallowed hard. “I’m just busy Fjord, I’ve been busy before.”

“Seems different this time.” Fjord narrowed his eyes, studying Caleb’s face. “Are you avoiding me?”

“Avoiding you?” Caleb parroted him again and looked around. “Have you been talking to Beau?”

“Tell me,” Fjord’s voice dropped as if others might hear, despite the central room being empty, “that I’m just being paranoid. That everything is fine, between us. That you aren’t, I don’t know, mad at me. For putting us in danger again.”

At that Caleb reconsidered his companion. He hadn’t noticed the tightness around Fjord’s eyes and mouth, the way he bit his lip nervously, his hands twitching. Caleb blinked, confused. “Fjord I can’t be- I’m not mad at you, Fjord. Never. I thought  _ you  _ would be mad at  _ me. _ ”

“What?” Fjord stepped more fully into the doorway and Caleb had to tilt his head to maintain eye contact. “How could I be mad at you? I put you in danger- directly into the line of fire. I should have never let you carry my burden. I’m supposed to protect you and I put a target on your back and led the enemy to you like an idiot.”

“Except it was  _ my  _ magic that failed.” Caleb shook his head, still angry at himself. “I was wrong about how safe the crystal would be in my amber. I’m supposed to know what I’m talking about, you all trust me to do my job. That’s what I’ve been doing,” he pushed the door further open and gestured to his rooms. They were strewn with books and notes, components sprawled across every surface. A fresh pile of amber gems had spilled out of a bag, and a magnifying glass was poised over the remains of his previous vault focus. “Trying to figure out where I went wrong, how I screwed everything up.”

Fjord moved as if he meant to walk into Caleb’s rooms before he stopped himself. “You didn’t mess everything up,” he grumbled, looking over the mess. Then his eyes flicked up to the windows on the back wall, and Caleb realized none of the others had been in his rooms yet. 

The stained glass pictured a beach, which seemed to surprise Fjord. A smaller boat was anchored off the shore to the left of the fireplace, and to the right were several figures. The Nein. One in blue, one in yellow, Caduceus was in greens and pinks. Yasha was playing a harp it looked like. Jester was making a sandcastle. It took a moment for Fjord to spot himself, further toward the middle but out in the water. Once he did he noticed Caleb as well, floating on his back nearby. 

Caleb watched Fjord take it in, chest tight. “I’ll,” he cleared his throat, “I’ll figure out a solution, a long term solution. But this is where I’ve been. I didn’t think you would notice my absence.”

He hadn’t meant for that to come out so morose. Especially not to the point where Fjord turned back to him. He was too close, Caleb thought. Had him trapped against the doorframe. Close enough Caleb could see the amulet where it was tucked under Fjord’s casual shirt, the scar across his face. He pictured what the scar must look like lower, in the center of his chest, and tried to slide away. 

“Wait,” Fjord put a hand on Caleb’s arm. “I’ll help, this isn’t even your problem to fix. And,” giving him a mocking look, “of course I noticed you were gone? You keep disappearing into your rooms as soon as you open the door, and you’re never at dinner, or breakfast.”

“The cats bring me food,” Caleb shrugged the shoulder that wasn’t warmed by Fjord’s hand. “I’m used to working through meals.”

“Enough of that.” Fjord nudged Caleb out of his rooms, ignoring the grumbling that brought, and closed the door behind them. “Let’s go sit down and eat an actual meal.”

Caleb knew, objectively, that it was late. He marks the passage of time automatically. It was just after eleven when Beau had come knocking. The others were, likely, already retired to their personal rooms to sleep. 

So it made perfect sense that the tower was empty, save for him and Fjord. 

“Down,” Fjord rumbled when he stepped into the levitating column, and Caleb bit his lip to keep from grinning. He glanced at Fjord from the corner of his eye, hoping his friend didn’t think he was laughing at him _ , _ only to see Fjord smiling softly at him. 

Ah, Caleb tried not to flush in his cheeks. Fjord was being charming. 

They sat at the end of the long dining tables in silence and Caleb rubbed his right palm as his cats brought out water and ale. “Oh,” Fjord drummed his fingers on the table and gave Caleb a serious look. “Do you remember the night the girls got tattooed? We sat out with Caduceus by the wharf and had those fish and chips?”

“Of course I remember,” Caleb picked up his ale and cradled it to keep his hands busy. “The chips could have been better, a little under seasoned.”

Fjord smiled, again. “Yes but the fish were the star of the show. Perfectly cooked.”

“The company was what made it memorable to me, I suppose.” Caleb dropped his eyes and took a long pull of his ale. The smell of frying fish wafted through the door.

“Well, obviously,” Fjord tried to pick at the wood grain of the table before smoothing his hands over it. “It’s always nice to find a quiet time to talk to you. And Caduceus.”

Caleb nodded. “His insights are so invaluable. And he is not curbed by social forms. It’s refreshing to hear his thoughts, to remind me what I see is just my own perceptions.” He gestured to Fjord. “I’m very glad he’s been able to help not just all of us, but you specifically. His mentorship is surely priceless.”

“That it is,” Fjord chuckled. “Sometimes I forget he has limitations, that he doesn’t know everything.” Fjord grimaced and tilted his head. “I suppose that’s a common fault of mine though.”

“If seeing the best in people is a fault, then by all means.”

Fjord rolled his eyes dramatically. “I have a bad habit of putting people I admire on a pedestal. Case in point.” He nodded at Caleb. 

The casual ease with which Fjord said, not for the first time, that he admired Caleb made him warm to the tips of his fingers. He traced a sigil on the tabletop. “Ah. Well I find I am guilty of reciprocating, then.”

“Gods, I hope-” Fjord cut himself off by clearing his throat and took a sip of his drink. “Well. Good. Or. Good to know.”

Caleb quirked an eyebrow. 

Suddenly in a rush, Fjord leaned forward. “That dinner, with Caduceus- I said I wasn’t as afraid of failing. With you all. With the Nein.” His eyes flicked back to the levitator. “But- I’m not sure. I mean.” He rubbed his brow. “It’s hard to adjust to- to having a team, people I can rely on. Trusting they will help if things go sideways. Which they have been. A lot.”

“That is what family is for, Fjord.” Caleb tapped Fjord’s hand, seeking his gaze. “We will make it work, remember?”

“Sure, I know that. I mean, objectively that’s true. But.” Fjord pressed his hands to his temples and leaned on his elbows. “I think I know why you struggled. In the beginning. Why you resisted the group. And getting attached. And I mean,” he laughed bitterly, “you’ve always been a few steps ahead of me, haven’t you? Looking back and watching me bumble through the same issues.”

“Well,” Caleb chewed on his words for a moment. “If I can help you avoid some of the mistakes I’ve made then… that would be good.”

A few cats gingerly put a large basket of fried fish down, followed by some chips and a plate of vegetables. Caleb eyed the greens suspiciously and wondered if Caduceus had been talking to his cats behind his back. 

“I know, uhm,” Fjord pushed his fingers into his eyes. “I didn’t mean- fuck, I’m all over the place, I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright Fjord,” Caleb pushed the basket of fish towards Fjord. “Let’s see how my chef did on the fish, hmm?”

“It’s a cat,” Fjord dropped his hands and plucked a strip from the pile. “I’d be surprised if it didn’t make great fish.”

He tore a piece off, letting it steam for a moment before popping it into his mouth. “Oh, yes,” Fjord made an appreciative face and moaned. “That is just like the wharf. How do you do that?”

“Ehm,” Caleb selected his own piece, and a few chips. Tried not to replay the sounds Fjord made in his head. “Well, once you can discern the spices involved, then the basic procedure is fairly simple and it’s just a matter of conveying that information to the magical cats, who do the work.” He ate a chip, then another, before realizing Fjord was quiet.

Because he was looking at Caleb with a strange look, soft but also gauging. “You really are amazing, you know that?”

“So you have said.” Caleb ducked his head. “But it’s all- I mean this is basically what Trent had done, and likely what Vess is doing in her own rooms. Well known magic. Conjuring food is fairly straightforward, all things considered.”

“It’s really not.” Fjord munched on another piece of fish and tapped a chip on his plate absently. “You’re too humble.”

Caleb burst out with a laugh, covering his mouth at the last second to keep from spraying potato across the table. “Oh,” he took a deep breath and grabbed his drink, “perhaps you are putting me on too high a pedestal. I am not very humble, not by far.”

There was another pause as Caleb picked his way through the food. The greens were some kind of bean, sauteed and garlicky, and Caleb approved. He’d have to ask Caduceus about how he convinced the cats.

“I’m still afraid of failing.” 

“I think that’s normal.”

“Maybe.” Fjord tapped the table again, his nervous habit. “I’m… more afraid now than I was before.”

“Hm,” Caleb wiped his mouth on a napkin and set his plate aside, and a cat quickly cleared the table. Turning his focus back to Fjord, he leaned forward and folded his hands. “Becoming invested in something means feeling more fear, I think. Fear of losing it. I feel it often,” for a moment Caleb saw Fjord on the deck of the ship, a blade plunged into his chest, but shook it off and continued, “it’s what drives me, at least a little. Ambition, yes. But fear of losing what I want to keep. It is a great motivator. It’s why I-” Caleb gestured to the room, the mansion. “The fear of my family being kidnapped while I slept led to this. The fear of what happened to me happening to others, it’s why I’m so eager to dismantle the corruption of my home.”

“But you never hesitate to take risks,” Fjord pointed out, and Caleb tilted his head. “I mean, you still followed me into the ocean. You still followed Caduceus to see his quest through.”

“Perhaps. It is the nature of the relationship to both fear its loss and push for its evolution. Part of loving you-” Caleb’s throat constricted, “-loving you all, the Nein, is helping them. All of you. Making sure you are all getting what you need, what I can give. The risk and reward balance will become greater. And it is brave to embrace that risk.” Caleb let his hands rest on the table as he leaned forward. “You are brave to accept vulnerability into your life. I lived without it for a long, long time. It was easy. And like you said, I resisted the group because I knew that I would be letting that freedom go. But in turn my life is better for it. Is better for having you in it.”

Fjord’s eyes were a little wide as Caleb spoke, lips parted. “I don’t think of myself as brave,” he whispered. Leaned forward like he was drawn in.

“Well you are allowed to be wrong.” Caleb pursed his lips and frowned. “Everything you have experienced you have faced with bravery, I’ve seen it. And talking about that, about how it makes you feel, is not easy.”

“That’s just it,” Fjord squeezed his eyes shut. “I’m feeling all of this stuff I haven’t- I’m too old for this shit.” He looked at Caleb again, eyes beseeching. “I feel like I keep getting dropped into the ocean over and over again. The falchion, and then the Nein, Uk’otoa, and then the Wildmother, and now this.”

“Hey,” Caleb touched Fjord’s wrist for a second before withdrawing his hand. “It will be alright. I’ll figure out how to either hide the crystal somewhere that can’t be found, or, I’ll find something that can destroy it. For good. Either way. I’ll make sure they stop hunting you.”

Fjord’s fingers twitched after Caleb’s hand, and he dropped his eyes. “That’s not what I’m most afraid of.” His voice was low, as if he hadn’t meant to say it.

“Tell me,” Caleb whispered. His chest was too tight, his pulse too loud. What was Fjord so afraid of? Had Caleb missed something, some other threat?

“It’s just. It’s these feelings.” Fjord swallowed, face flushing even as Caleb watched. “I’ve developed feelings, things I’ve never- that I didn’t think I was capable of-” he bit off whatever else he was going to say, turning his face away from Caleb.

Oh. “Oh.” Oh no. Of course. Caleb tried not to pull away. Fjord needed his support right now, as much as it pained Caleb. “I see.” It finally happened. Jester had wormed her way into everyone’s heart, it seemed. “You’ve never…?”

“No!” Fjord hissed under his breath and hid his face behind his hands. “I’m sorry, I know- I feel so stupid.” With a groan he dropped his face into his folded arms. 

“Oh, Fjord,” a dagger of pain dug into Caleb’s heart as he settled a hand on Fjord’s shoulder. “It’s alright. Some people never develop feelings, you know. I didn’t realize you- I had thought with Avantika-”

“Gods,” Fjord’s muffled voice interrupted him, “please don’t ask me to explain that. I don’t know what I was thinking, or doing. Just what I thought- what I figured I was supposed to. Maybe.”

Guilt dropped like a lead ball into Caleb’s stomach. He had pushed for that. Licking his lips, Caleb prodded, “... but now you have feelings?”

Fjord nodded without lifting his head.

“I imagine that has made dealing with everything else much more difficult.” That was putting it mildly, Caleb had on good authority.

Making a pained noise, Fjord lifted his head and went to stand. “I’m sorry, I knew you wouldn’t- why would someone reciprocate when I’m literally being chased by an evil god trying to kill me. I’m such an idiot.”

Caleb stood as well, grabbing for Fjord’s arm. “Wait, where are you going? It’s alright, Fjord, this is new for you but I promise it’s going to be alright.” He pulled Fjord to a stop, but his friend didn’t turn to face him.

“Promise?” Fjord managed, whole body drawn tight. “Can you promise it won’t change anything? Between us?”

“Of course not.” Never. Caleb tugged on Fjord’s arm again, tried to turn him back. Caleb would happily take whatever friendship he could get from Fjord. “I will always cherish our friendship, Fjord. I promise.”

“Good.” Fjord let Caleb turn him and drew him into a fierce hug. Caleb clung back, confused. Did Fjord think he, Caleb, was also interested in Jester? 

Rubbing a hand across Fjord’s shoulders, Caleb hid a wince. “I think,” he had to swallow past the knot in his throat. “I think, for what it’s worth, she will be very good for you. She is no fool, she sees your value, same as I do.” 

Perhaps that was too much of an omission. Fjord drew back, confusion all over his face. “What?”

“I just mean- you are a catch, would make for an amazing partner.” Caleb flushed and avoided Fjord’s eyes. “Incredibly kind and good, powerful, handsome-”

“Not that part.” Fjord narrowed his eyes and frowned. “She? Who’s she? What she are we talking about?”

“Uh,” Caleb’s mind skittered around for a long moment. “Jester? If not her, then- oh.” He tilted his head, gears turning. “I suppose it makes sense, Caduceus is oftly fond of you, but I am less certain of his opinion on romance, so I can’t say-”

Still holding Caleb in his arms, Fjord shook him gently. “Back up. You don’t know who I’m talking about.”

Caleb winced. It wasn’t a question. Maybe he wasn’t as good of a friend as he had hoped. “What I said still stands,” he tried, shaking his head. “Nothing will change between us, even if I’ve tipped my hand on my own feelings. Like I said, I’m wholly accustomed to-”

“Are you really so blind, wizard?”

“I’m…” Caleb slumped. “I’m sorry. Apparently I am.”

Fjord slouched, enough to catch Caleb’s gaze while still holding him. Caleb shifted as he realized how close they were still standing, tried to move back, but Fjord tightened his hold and pulled Caleb against his chest. “Look at me, Caleb.”

“You know I’m not good at eye contact,” Caleb tried, and studied Fjord’s shirt.

“And I know that’s bullshit. We’ve always made eye contact just fine.”

Well. That was true. And Caleb had resisted examining that fact. Frowning, he looked up at Fjord, determined to set things right. “I’m not going to-”

He was cut off when Fjord brought one hand up and cupped the side of Caleb’s neck, bringing him closer. His amber eyes were blown wide and he licked his lips. “Is this alright, Caleb?”

Caleb tried to regulate his breathing. “Yes.”

“Tell me to stop, and I will.” 

Caleb gulped. Fjord’s eyes dropped to his lips, and Caleb thought he was going to pass out. Slowly, Fjord brought their faces closer still and they breathed each other in. “Caleb.”

Their noses brushed once, twice. “...yes?”

Fjord’s eyes drooped, closed. “I think I’m in love with you.”

“Oh,” Caleb felt suspended, not unlike when he once drifted in the astral sea. “That’s good.”

“Yeah?” The hand still on Caleb’s lower back tightened, fingers twisting into his shirt. Fjord’s eyes opened again, searching Caleb’s. “Is it?”

“Obviously.” Caleb curled his fingers into the open collar of Fjord’s shirt, causing the necklace to clink. “I’m clearly in love with you, too.”

In the silence, Caleb swore he could feel Fjord’s heart beating just as hard and fast in his chest, pressed against Caleb as he was. Fjord was still for a second, blinked slowly. “You’re in love with me.”

It wasn’t a question, but Caleb nodded, holding Fjord’s gaze. “Very much. Embarrassingly so.”

He wanted to kiss Fjord- in fact, Caleb took stock and realized he wanted to kiss Fjord more than he wanted anything else in existence, in that moment. He tugged gently at the shirt in his hands, but resisted the urge to close the space between their lips. Kissing might not be new to Fjord, at least he hoped it wasn’t, but the feelings attached? 

A heavy breath huffed from Fjord’s nose, like he was expelling frustration. “You-” he looked back down at Caleb’s lips and they swayed slightly, further apart and back into each other, as a distraught look built on Fjord’s face. “Caleb, you-” 

Their lips brushed as he spoke and Fjord tilted into Caleb’s mouth like he was helpless not to. It was incredibly soft, the first brush of his lips barely feather light against Caleb’s. Not like they had far to go, Caleb thought. Fjord pulled back for a second but returned immediately, like the first kiss was almost accidental, just slight pressure as their swaying orbit brought them too close. The second was just as soft, but lasted longer, and Caleb let his head tilt as he melted into Fjord’s embrace fully. Fjord’s hand on his neck didn’t apply pressure, simply held him close as the breathing through his nose became ragged.

“Caleb,” Fjord pulled back, opened his eyes. That look of almost fear was still on his face, and Caleb slid his hands up to cup Fjord’s jaw.

“It’s alright,” he soothed, and swept his thumbs over Fjord’s beautiful face. “It’s alright.”

“I’ve never felt so…” Fjord kissed him again before nuzzling his nose against Caleb’s cheek. His breath was hot, and Caleb dragged his fingers into the nape of Fjord’s neck to hold him close.

“Interested?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen I don't want to HEAR about how this got away from me! Or about how this turned into an episode 113 coda! I don't wanna hear a WORD about how predictable and repetitive I am!  
> I'm just a simple person with simple pleasures ok this is a judgement free zone we are just in love with love around here leave me be


End file.
